Ashley Dotson
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Writing Is Selfish

8/18/2014

2 Comments

 
     I've only been back at work for 1 day. It is so easy to forget just how hectic my life is during the fall. Every single speck of every single second, every single heartbeat that fills my day finds myself racing hither, thither, and yon, but mostly just to HEB or gymnastics classes on Monday nights. 

     Usually by the oppressive month of August I miss everything about school.  At the Dotson house, we are all bored to tears and its just too damned hot to force thd kids to play outside. With everyone inside, we begin to slow descent into Crazyville.

     I live for the crazy! Bring it on!  But by August I am craving the early bed times and choreographed months of the school year, like every other parent, even if they won't admit it on Facebook. I thrive on the rigidity for my children as well as myself. I am well aware that all children need structure, but most adults do too. If my kids were left in my care alone, I'm sure I would drive us all nuts, and probably plow head - long into an 18 - wheeler, whilst fighting for control over the air conditioner or snack bag (oops....bad joke...too soon?). My point, although badly made, is that the beginning of the school is hella busy, but like any new beginning, a worthwhile adjustment. I am thankful the school day brings a level of discipline and focus that I cannot give my own kids.   I think it is because I lack that quality within myself actually.

     I only got to spend 7 hours in my classroom today putting up bulletin boards for the groups that I am a sponsor for this year- the Bloomington high school senior class of 2015, National Honors Society, and then there's that little old English class that will dominate most of my attention. And I packed up today conflicted between staying and working or going home to feed my family. Family won that time, but it will be an uphill battle like always.

     And I had no time to write today....

     As most teachers understand, teaching is a selfless profession, and can sometimes leave less than equal share for family or personal time. Most teachers are guilty of putting in too many hours, and on occasion I am one of those as well. And don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job very much. You have heard me say often that I love my students, and it's true. Their sarcasm, wit, pretty smiles or disgusted frowns, and even the teenage ignorance and body odor. I know what you're thinking- that is a heady concoction for anyone to resist. Why in the world would I ever trade such a job for more money and less stress? Wait......I'm sorry, there was a point in there somewhere. I must have lost it! Those who understand intrinsic motivation will get it. For everyone else, go spend your money.

     But there is another side to my life that is becoming less and less overlooked, and more celebrated - and that is my life as a writer.  My need to write and my job as a teacher used to be a major juxtaposition. Reading Specialists and Balanced Literacy fans will say, "No, to teach, you also must be able to model." But I am speaking mainly about the part of me that wants to tuck myself away, speak to no one and pull the words from my head for no one's sake but my own. I want to build stories, not for you, the reader, but for me. Me! Everyone else can go fry that molten Texas sun.

     For many years I locked away the stories and characters running through my head as just an unnecessary indulgence. I had no time for frivolity, I was the busy wife of a football coach, with umpteen children and a serious addiction to everyone else's chick lit. I love to read, but it wasn't enough just to read other people's books. I desperately wanted to create one of my own. I said things to myself like, "No one would ever want to read anything I wrote anyway." or "I'm not a professional writer." and most importantly "Writing is selfish."

Writing is selfish! What a horrible thing to think, but it's true. Writing is instrinsic, it is only about the author (me) and the world I'm inhabiting.  My writing served no added purpose as a classroom teacher- in fact it drew my focus away from my own students' needs as they master English (which was usually the smallest demon they encountered during the day). My writing took away from them, and it also took time away from my own children. I spent my twenties convincing myself my logic was sound.

     Those of you who are writers know this is just dumb. Writing might be selfish, but it's my relsease. It's a celebration, an expression of the self, a gift that only I can give to the world. It is a gift from the Lord. Besides the toilet,  written language is the greatest thing civilization gave to the human race.
     And the greatest thing about it- everyone can do it. I don't say that because I am a teacher, I say that because I am a writer. I truly believe everyone  can be a writer, the author of their own story- it's just the media that vary from person to person.

     By letting go of my ill-conceived ideas that writing was a purely selfish endeavor,  I now understand (and teach)  the importance of writing- and not just for testing purposes. My identity as an author doesn't take away from my profession as a teacher, it enhances it. I made peace with both sides of my nature knowing writing is my release, my children and students are my legacy. In order for me to be a good teacher, a good mom, a good wife, I must be true to myself as a writer.

     So tomorrow, amidst the lesson planning and schedule making, I will pull out my peanut butter and nutella sandwich and spend my lunch time working on a manuscript, feeling confident the time spent will help prepare me for the new adventures, new faces, and dirty dishes that await me this school year. And just maybe I'll finish it and inspire my own children and students to embrace their ability as writers.

     Wish me luck!
2 Comments

Thank Goodness for Honest Reviews

8/13/2014

1 Comment

 
I wanted to share this recent review of The Beacon posted on Amazon.  I have left the good and the bad:

"It has been awhile since I have read a paranormal romance book. I think I was sort of exhausted with the genre. I also tend to have a lot of issues with the way relationships in these books are presented; which is usually co-dependent with one partner being far more powerful (usually the male) than the other (usually the female). In this book, both Layla and Orrin are supernatural beings and she is the stronger of the two (yay!). I haven’t read too many books with demons, or in this case daemons so this was pretty new to me. I thought a fair amount of the exposition of the daemon world was interest; however, at times was a lot to take in and could drag the story down a bit. Dotson’s writing is impressive for a new author. She has a definite tone and style suited for this story. She has definitely put a lot of thought and work putting together the mythology of this story and that is definitely one of the strongest aspects of the story.I liked Layla. She was first sort of the vanilla YA paranormal romance girl, but she did grow a backbone and evolve into a stronger person as the book went along. She was strong yet vulnerable, conflicted yet determined, and emotional yet grounded. I loved the fact that she wasn’t a waify girl like in many YA books and this was stressed many times. One thing that I really loved though was that she had a friend. I cannot think of the last YA paranormal romance where there was a friend that was present as much as Ben was in this book or wasn’t a boy that was also in love with her. That made me so happy because most people have at least one really good friend in high school that isn’t their boyfriend. I loved that Ben was understanding of Layla’s relationship but that Layla also took time to make sure she was maintaining that relationship with Ben.I found Orrin a bit problematic. At first he was awful, I mean he has his excuses for being awful, but I definitely think he went way too far with the slut shaming and all that. I get why he was being mean, but there was probably a better way to do it. It was nearly impossible for me to actually like him for the rest of the book. I grew to tolerate him and I understood why Layla liked him and I did appreciate the fact that she did stand up to him many times when she felt wronged or when he was being a jerk.Overall I liked the book. There are a few things I did not love (Orrin for example), but Dotson has written a story with a strong female character in a story with good mythology setting. I enjoyed the surprises at the end of the book, and I am looking forward to read the next book to see what happens."

Ben is my favorite character.  She's coming back in book 3, just FYI....


Did anyone else find Orrin that awful?  Were his earlier actions beyond forgiveness?


I have spent the summer not only writing but polishing up my two previously "finished" novels.  Those of you who have read them know there are grammatical errors.  I am notoriously bad at editing.  When I get to this point I tend to rush, not just on my writing projects, but in life in general.  I submitted The Beacon to some larger publishers last month.  With the help of the amazing author, Melanie Macek, we re-edited (is that word?) The Beacon and The Porter.  So when you go to purchase either of these two books in paperback, Kindle, Nook, or Kobo, or read it on Wattpad, know that I have heard all of your voices, every honest person that came to me and told me my books had errors- Thank you!  I appreciate that you read them, and I value the gumption it took to tell me there were problems.  


I would love to hear from you in whatever form- email, Amazon, Goodreads, or a post here. 

1 Comment


    2020  Writing Goals: 

    Practice writing sprints.

    Finish "How to Write Dazzling Dialogue"




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   It doesn't get any more real than this! Like all my social media indicates I am an English teacher at Reagan High School.  I love my students as much as I do my own four children.  I enjoy YA Lit and Cadbury eggs.  I spend most of my daylight hours in overdrive, like most mothers.  Many ask me how I manage to accomplish so much, and although I have answered in various ways, the one solid truth in my life is Jesus Christ who makes all things possible. 
   Borrego ​is the name of my current project. Check out this novel and more on my website or on Amazon.com.